After GW37’s fireworks, we turn to the lottery of the final GW of the season. GW38 is traditionally a minefield of rotation and teams on the beach, but one thing it does promise is goals. The final day usually sees a few huge home wins, so the logic would be jump on the home teams.. but being 25 points behind in my mini league I can’t be too obvious with my moves. I’m going to have to pick a gem to get anywhere near claiming those points back. GW38 is a stage for unlikely heroes, so anything goes!

In goal, I have the choice between Cech at home to Everton or Caballero away at Watford.. You’d think the home fixture would be the key here, but I’m ignoring logic altogether and playing Jon Walters in goal. Jon Walter‘s hands are at least twice the size of Donald Trumps, so I’m backing him to keep a clean sheet maybe save a few pens. In defence I have Alonso, Yostephens, Monreal and Bob Huth to choose from, all play at home and all carry a threat of points going forward. Huth could be the differential as he’s probably the most dangerous going forward, but i doubt he’ll keep a clean sheet against Josh King‘s cherries.. I was conflicted as to who to put into the starting line up, but the choice became pretty clear, Jon Walters. Big Jon has the heart of a lion and the wings of an eagle making him the perfect defensive foil to himself across the back line. I expect at least 4 clean sheets here.

In midfield, I have a few big decisions to make.. I could go wild with transfers and hunt down differentials, or stick with solid team. With the letdowns no doubt giving Hazard the boot they have a wide choice of what to do with the funds, I’d guess KDB which nullifies my threat.. I have to be careful not to overthink it and do something silly.. Alli, Albrighton, KDB, King and Sanchez are sure to get some points on the final day but I needed something radical.. Jon Walters. The man is half cyborg, a quarter myth and a fifth Irish. He’s gonna score 6 touch downs and become the pope (earns 50 in the BPS) from midfield. Expecting a huge haul here!

Upfront I have a few conundrums to conquer. Anichebe is unsurprisingly crocked! And will warm the bench as we say goodbye to GW38. Costa and Jesus have some sumptuous fixtures but will they play? Jesus you’d think will be nailed on (pun intended), but Costa?? Who knows, do I cart him out? For who though? Kane?? Makes sense but won’t help me catch up.. Sturridge?? Now that would be a baller move, but with Firmino back I’m not certain he’ll start.. But then It all became very clear, Jon Walters. The man has scored more goals than Gabriel Jesus, Marcus Rashford and Paul Pogba combined (This is actually a stat) across his career, making him worth at least £150m. His contract actually has a clause stating he has to hilariously miss at least one pen a year, so thankfully that’s already out the way!


Jon Walters. John’s charity work with the FWLLB (Footballers Who Look Like Builders) has changed lives, Stephen Fletcher can now make love with his wife and Rickie Lambert‘s irrational fear of grass has subsided. This selfless work has appeased the FPL gods, paving the way for massive GW38.

GW38 is always a stage for unlikely heroes. Jon Walters is that hero.

Pray for John Walters.