Can the season just end now? I’m sick to death of this now. A double game week which saw Middlesbrough get dicked 4-0 by Bournemouth (No thanks to the cunt Gaston Ramirez) and then beat Sunderland 1-0 (Big whoop), also saw the Letdown’s finally relinquish 3rd spot. It’s took a lot longer than expected to fall down a place in the league, given my highest ranking of any month this year was 5th back in January…

Right let’s get this shit show review done and dusted.

The Good

Ben Davies brought back a clean sheet away at Crystal Palace, which was a bit of a surprise! He also brought back 2 bonus points!! 9 points.

Eden Hazard, one of this weeks transfers, brought a very nice 9 points as he scored and got 2 bonus points.

Marcos Alonso didn’t get a clean sheet, but did get an assist as Chelsea beat Southampton 4-2, 4 points.

Manolo Gabbiadini started for Southampton for the second match in a row and managed to get an assist. Perfect timing as he has a double double game week coming up! How I need him to play all of those matches and not be rested… still, a solid 5 points this week.

Harry Kane just falls into The Good this week. He got an assist as Spurs beat Palace 1-0, but also picked up a yellow card (The 4th one for the Letdown’s this week, seriously WTF is this?). 4 points.

Eldin Jakupovic stepped in as Victor Valdes didn’t play any games for Middlesbrough… even though he was expected back for the Sunderland match where he would have kept a clean sheet and also recorded an extra 2 points for saves. Still, Jakupovic got a somewhat surprising clean sheet at home to Watford, even though Hull played a lot of the match with only 10 men. That’s how shit Watford are.

The Bad

Fucking hell where do I start here!?

Alexis Sanchez… for fuck sake. Leicester are gash away from home and Arsenal really needed to win and really play well to give themselves some momentum before the North London Derby in GW35. What happened? Arsenal were AWFUL and scraped a 1-0 win. Oh and Sanchez wasn’t involved in that goal in any way and picked up a yellow card. Cheers mate. 2 points.

Dele Alli was pretty shit against Crystal Palace but he would be when he is hounded for 90 minutes. These are the games where Alli needs to step up and prove that he is a serious player in the making and he failed in my opinion. Teams are going to man mark Alli just like Palace did and he needs to be able to find ways around that. 3 points.

Romelu Lukaku … this weeks captain. Everton aren’t great away from home but they usually score (It’s been 9 game weeks since they last failed to score) and they were up against a terrible West Ham team, with barely any decent attacking threat and a patched up defence. Even all of the West Ham fans thought they were going to get done in. What happened? 0-0… NILL – NILL. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? 4 points for Lukaku. Fuck off.

Now we’ll talk about my two players that played twice… so that’s 4 matches overall. Fabio … easily the best Boro full back, both in terms of defensive capability and attacking threat. With George Friend returning, Fabio will slot over into RB and Baraghan will drop to the bench because he’s fucking awful. NO. Steve Agnew, the absolute muppet, drops Fabio to the bench… he comes on for 53 minutes against Bournemouth where he then loses a point because Boro concede the 3rd and 4th goals. Next up was Sunderland, surely a start for Fabio and a good chance of a clean sheet, right? NO. Steve Agnew plays Daniel Ayala, our slowest defender who’s only strength is his aerial dominance, to counter the threat of Jermaine Defoe… where is Fabio? Oh on the bench again. Do I watch a different match to the managers or something? He came on for 37 minutes though to get 1 point… OH WAIT NO he picks up a yellow card and loses that point. 0 points.

Bellend of the Week

Not starting matches isn’t in the control of Fabio otherwise he would be the biggest bellend of the week in the history of the False9 blog. But no. This week, it goes to a fan favourite. Wilfred Zaha. I honestly think I’ve cursed this prick. He was in the Letdown’s after he returned from the AFCON when he spent 4 matches doing nothing. He got transferred out, and then went on to get 3 assists and 2 goals over 6 matches for a total of 35 points. So I naturally bring him back in… where he scores 5 points in 3 games scoring no goals and getting no assists. Oh, this week he had a double gameweek and got a grand total of 3 points. He even picked up a yellow card! YEYCongratulations, Wilfred Zaha, you are this weeks Bellend of the Week!

I can’t be arsed anymore. Was that not apparent from the majority of posts in 2017? Honestly it can fuck off. That’s all.