Anyone get the reference? Points for you if you did. Can you tell me the character and possibly the relation to a certain Premier League football player that shone this weekend? Don’t worry if you can’t, I’m not mad just a little disappointed, but read on, I’m going to tell you all about them…

Points: 73
League position: 3rd (No move)
Bellend of the week: Sadio Mane

The Good

Marcos Alonso strolls back into The Good after a few none convincing performances against shite teams. Chelsea may have lost the defensive stability of late by not getting a clean sheet in 6 matches but this week they beat Stoke 2-1 with big Marcos bagging himself an assist. 6 points.

Seamus Coleman. Everton are absolutely smashing it at the moment, with only one defeat in 12 (Away at Spurs). Another clean sheet for the Irish maestro as they smashed Hull 4-0. 6 points.

Dele Alli continues to shine for Spurs and for some unknown reason, only the Letdowns have him (of the top 6 in the league). With Harry Kane now injured (GOOD!) I was half expecting an influx of transfer bringing Alli in but no… strange. He banged in another goal against Southampton, his third in a row and his 14th goal of the season. 7 points.

Another differential to the teams that matter… is Sergio Aguero. Seemingly back in Pep’s good books, though for how long who knows (Probably until Jesus returns), he has started to pick up a little bit… 2 goals and 1 assist in 9 games certainly isn’t much but he added to that this weekend with another goal as Man City drew 1-1 with Liverpool. He missed a few good chances as well which bolds well as he usually incredible at finishing. 6 points.

Romelu Lukaku you absolute beautiful man. Captain this week and he didn’t let the team down. Taking Hull to the sword with an assist and two very late goals. 16 points. A couple of tough fixtures coming up so it’ll be interesting to see if he returns to be the notorious nickname Blankaku.

And finally, for those with class and decent taste in British Comedy, the quote was of course said by Manuel from Faulty Towers. Why Manuel you ask? Because it was the only Manuel Lanzini reference I could think of… fuck off. Some said he was a strange choice of a transfer and whilst others opted for Mickel Antonio, I went for the midfield wizard. AND WHAT HAPPENED? I WAS RIGHT! He was clearly West Hams best player and smashed in a free kick to bang in 10 points. Get in. That’s the third home game in a row where he has returned double figure points. And he has Hull, Swansea and Sunderland within the next 4 fixtures.

The Bad

Eldin Jakupovic… for fuck sake. This season has just been typified by my decisions to bring in form players and as soon as I do they return fuck all. It happened with Harry Kane, it’s happened with Sadio Mane (More on him later), it’s happened with Fernando Llorente (More on him later too!) and now it’s definitely happened with Eldin Jakupovic. This is a guy that got 11 points against Manchester United and 8 points against Liverpool before fixtures against Arsenal, Burnley, Leicester, Swansea and Everton. After the huge points hauls, I brought him in and low and behold, he only gets 9 points across 5 games. Less than 2 points per game. Fuck you.

Winston Reid. Where do I start with this dick? From being the best transfer of the season to being possibly the worst.  A blitz of form saw him bring in 36 points over 6 games before then bringing home just 8 points in 8 games… Is this a joke? Oh and he got injured against Leicester. It made barely any difference as he was going to get fucked off in preparation for GW30 anyway. Thanks for the memories Winston but it’s time to go (Shout out to the Wenger out brigade). 0 points

Can I just put Swansea here? What happened to them!? Up against Bournemouth, who haven’t kept a clean sheet since 1992, I would have bet my life on Swansea scoring… What happened? Gylfi Sigurdsson and Fernando Llorente did absolutely nothing. Llorente being the biggest disappointment as he’s gathered 3 points over the 2 games I’ve had him in the Letdowns. Just for context, I brought him into the team after he got 20 points in 2 games… I bring him in and he gets 3 points in 2 games. Classic 16/17 season. Both of the players this week got 2 points each. Bullshit.

Bellend of the Week

Holy good grief. What has happened to Sadio Mane? He was bollocks against Burnley and now bollocks against Man City. Burnley.. fine, Liverpool are notorious for being complacent but against the big teams they always step up. Always. No. No. Of course not! Mane is in the Leopard’s Letdowns after all! He got 1 point. He played a full 90 minutes, didn’t do shit the whole time even against a very very slow City defence and got a yellow card. Winston Reid got injured after 17 minutes and still Mane is this weeks Bellend of the Week. Congratulations! The merseyside derby next… that’ll be good.

Right, so in my preview of GW29, I said that my bench would naturally score points. Guess what happened!? Sunderland didn’t fancy trying to win a game and Burnley didn’t fancy finally winning an away match so drew 0-0. Giving Stephen Ward 6 points. Fuck off. Oh and Tom Davies of Everton got an assist 9 minutes into his match against Hull… but of course he was on my bench.

9 game weeks left and I still have my 3 tokens left to use, triple captain, bench boost and all out attack. I have to absolutely nail when I choose to use those. 1st place is long gone. 2nd place is slowly slipping away and 4th and 5th place are catching up. My enthusiasm is waning for this season. I want 17/18 to start already but I may as well focus and get 3rd place in the league and get some return for the effort this season.

This season is killing me slowly. Please just let it end.